Jamie Oliver's Ball Thingy (Or, Honey-Spice Crusted Lamb Roast)

Those Celebrity Chefs, sometimes I love them, sometimes I...don't love them.

But I'm always willing to cut them some slack. So when my lovely Dessert Chef presented me with this contraption:
...I had to give it a go. It's a Jamie Oliver thing, apparently, and it's sort of like a mortar and pestle, but in a jar. Sort of. That's a plastic two-part screw shaker, and the little white ball is ceramic. The theory goes that you can use it to whip up rubs, sauces, and suchlike with hard and wet ingredients in a jiffy, using less energy than it takes to drive a mortar and pestle.

I guess.

Thus presented, I decided to give it a whirl.

I had a lovely little roast of lamb, and I decided to coat it with a glaze of honey, paprika, almonds and some other stuff. So here goes.

Honey-Spice Crusted Lamb Roast

(Serves 4)

350-400g Rolled Lamb Forequarter Roast
Whole Peppercorns and Rock Salt to taste
Freshly Grated Nutmeg
1t Slivered Almonds
1t Paprika
1t Avocado Vinaigrette
1t Honey
1 Onion, cut into 1/8ths
Roasting Veges, peeled and seasoned and tossed in oil

Start with your hardest ingredients, in this case, rock salt, peppercorns, nutmeg, and almonds. Put these in the bottom section, add the wee ball, screw the top on and shake vigorously.
Hand off the hard work to a keen young helper.
Unscrew the cap and add the rest of the ingredients; the vinaigrette, honey, and paprika.
When it looks something like this, scoop it out with the little rubber spoon (Yeah, there's also a little rubber spoon, for just this purpose. Here's a photo of it).
Spread it over the roast.
Ooh, look, veges! See that pumpkin up there? I grew that.
Place the lamb on top of the sliced onion and arrange the veges around it.

Cover in foil and roast for 1 hour at 190C, or shorter if you prefer a rare cut.

Remove the foil for the last 15 minutes of cooking to brown.
Remove from the heat and allow to rest for 8-10 minutes before carving.
Slice and serve.
What do I reckon? Well, it worked for me. Easy to use, easy to clean, easy to store. I'll be interested to see how well the rubber seals last, and of course keeping the neat little ball away from the 2-year-old is a challenge too.

So I wouldn't write it off as a waste of money and drawer space yet. I've used it again since and it has served its purpose well.

So good on you Jamie. This one's a winner.

Sound Bytes

I've been inundated with stuff to listen to and read lately, so here's a quick summary with my recommendations.

Firstly, I was very excited to get an advance review of Jack Kincaid's latest release, a short story called The Church Grim. This is a dark yet comedic horror story, masterfully crafted for both wit and chills. Kincaid uses the same stylistic techniques that worked so well for Hoad's Grim, including his creepy, dissociated narrator's voice and the voice talents of James Keller and Julie Hoverson. Once again, a fantastic piece of speculative fiction and an impressive audio production. Highly recommended, and at 40 minutes or so, a good way to get a feel for Kincaid if you haven't listened to Hoad's Grim already.

Another short podcast that I recently completed - and which also throughly entertained my staff, who have no choice but to listen to whatever I choose to play in the workshop - was The Takeover, by veteran podcaster Mur Lafferty. This zombie comedy clocks in at a little over 2 hours, and features a star-studded cast including Christiana Ellis and JC Hutchins. I can't say much about this without spoiling the story, but suffice to say that if you like zombies or just like to laugh at zombies, or just like to laugh, this is brilliant.

I've finished up several complete podcast novels in the past couple of weeks, and I'm not sure that I'll get to review all of them, so here's my quick star rating on those I've made it through:

The Call of the Herald, by Brian Rathbone: 4 Stars. Fantasy, first in a trilogy. Meticuloulsy constructed world, takes a little bit to get into the story but is satisfying for its buildup. Full review will follow.
Earthcore, by Scott Sigler: 4 1/2 Stars. Action/Sc-Fi. This is one of the world's very first exclusive podcast novels, now available as a print edition as well, and it set the standard for podcasts to follow. Excellent story and production values.
Nina Kimberley the Merciless, by Christiana Ellis: 4 Stars. Fantasy Comedy. NKTM is hilarious, it really is. Featuring an imbecilic king who thinks he's Don Juan, a pacifist dragon, and our eponymous hero who would rather be off questing than leading her people back to their former glory, NKTM is good, solid entertainment. My favourite line, as the bumbling King Francis tried to squeeze into his armour: "I must be light and uncucumbered!"

I'm currently listening to two more podcast novels, including the second book in JC Hutchins' Seventh Son trilogy, and the Failed Cities Monologues by Matt Wallace. I'm also hooked on JC Hutchins' new podcast novella, Personal Effects: Sword of Blood.

And I must throw a big shout of thanks out to all these authors, and to the crew at Podiobooks.com for all the hard work they put into bringing these books to greedy little me.

In terms of reading, I've been getting into the work of bizzaro fiction author Jeremy C Shipp over the past couple of weeks. You can check out some of his short stories online: Camp, Trout, and Dog. Not for the squeamish, however. You have been warned. I'm also reading his rather twisted but intriguing novel, Vacation, and I'll be posting a review of that shortly.

That's all for now. If you have a podcast or an audiobook that you'd like to direct me towards, please feel free to leave a note in the comments. Thanks.

Podcast Novel Review: "Nocturnal" by Scott Sigler

In the brave new world of the podcast novel, it takes something special to be called a classic. Nocturnal by Scott Sigler is just such a rare creature.
Scott Sigler was among a very small group of writers who literally pioneered the Podcast Novel format, releasing his first book, Earthcore, in 2005. At the end of that podcast there is a very interesting Q&A with Mark Jeffrey, which provides a snapshot of both how small the audiobook market was at the time, and how Sigler envisioned it growing into the creature it has become - and that creature continues to grow.

Nocturnal is Sigler's third podcast novel, and it is a masterpiece of action horror. What starts out as a police procedural detective novel with a paranormal element quickly morphs into a gruesome and electrifying monster story, and from there into an action rollercoaster that would put John Woo to shame.

You'll forgive me if I slip, but I tend to recall Nocturnal as a movie rather than a book. The action and the imagery have seared into my skull, all chiascuro shadows and arcing blood lit by guttering streetlights and gunfire.

Sigler's dark alternate San Francisco is a place of fear and tension, haunted by unseen monsters, remorseless gangsters, ruthless vigilantes, corrupt cops, and a psychotic schoolboy with a god complex. Through this morass of murder two cops face the challenge of trying to solve the murders that have started to plague the city, only to find a conspiracy that even the SFPD doesn't want them to uncover.

This stuff is addictive. I personally neglected family, friends and more important things like writing my own novel to listen to this book. Sigler gets his teeth into your soft, tender flesh and shakes, not letting you go until he's wrenched you through the increasingly brutal and bloody story of the Nocturnals. And he pulls no punches whatsoever. Where Hollywood would turn away or save the day, Sigler just continues to rip shreds, and it is fantastic.

Not for the light of heart, I must emphasise. Nocturnal is R18 on every scale, for language, violence, torture, and even on a conceptual level. Yes, I squirmed more than once. But the payoff is so worthwhile, and nothing in this book is wasted. Every act of brutality, every murder, every fight, every explosion serves a valid and crucial purpose to the story. At the same time, Sigler can do subtext and complexity as well as he does action. I do not understand how Dan Brown sells more books than this guy. Brown is nothing next to Sigler.

Sigler's writing is also a pleasure to listen to, his dialogue sharp and his prose as witty as it is tight. He carries a vast cast of characters, voicing each with confidence and consistency. As usual, I cringe a little when a grown man puts on a woman's voice, but if I could do any better, I'd have some grounds to complain. I can't, so good on you Scott for giving it your all.

The audio production is clean and professional, relying almost entirely on Sigler's voice to carry the story. I can only recall one location that was augmented by a creepy harpsichord music track, and that really stood out for its oddity. As I've said, Sigler is a clever writer and a powerful performer, and thus requires little in the way of bells and whistles to bolster his efforts.

Again, for a free work, this is just brilliant. It is said that Sigler doesn't have fans; he has junkies. I just finished Earthcore today, and I still have four podcasts by Sigler to listen to. The future is bright.

5 Stars.

Nocturnal is an instant classic. Available as a free podcast download through iTunes and Podiobooks. Swing by Sigler's site for more info on this modern literary maestro, one of the true pioneers and energetic advocates of this great artform.

Podcast Novel Review: "The Zombie Chronicles" by James Melzer

Here's a podcast you can really get your teeth into.

James Melzer is one of a new breed of writers who are finding success by eschewing the traditional methods of shopping a manuscript to agents and editors, and are instead puffing out their lungs, warming up their vocal chords, and releasing their works into the wild - in the form of free podcast downloads.

As you know, I've been going on about this for a while now. As anyone who follows me on Twitter will know, I'm pretty much obsessed with podcast novels at the moment.The Zombie Chronicles - Book 1: Escape has continued to feed this addiction. This is storytelling with bite.

I had my reservations, as I greatly fear all the cliches that are associated with zombies. Zombies have gone so far into the laughable in the past twenty-odd years that it's a he!! of a job trying to make them scary again. Somehow, Melzer has written a zombie book that at once encapsulates all those worn-out tropes and injects the zombie genre with a new lease on life.

(Ah, will the puns never end?)

From the first chapter, I was grabbed by the freshness of Melzer's writing, his wry wit and the way he pulls a middle finger at all the stale baggage that zombies bring with them. Despite the title, this is no 28 Days Later. Without wanting to bring any spoilers to the table, I think it's safe to say that Melzer has single-handedly reinvented the zombie genre, while never abandoning everything we love about zombie stories - decaying flesh, the lust for human meat, brains exploding under well-aimed headshots.

TZC brings unexpected twist after twist, none of which have any place in the story you think you're listening to. But Melzer pulls it off with style, wit and lots of disintegrating sinew. I almost panicked when iTunes wouldn't give me the last chapter. Desperate measures were taken to hear the last part of this book, I guarantee you.

If you're into zombies even a little bit, you must listen to this podcast - or buy the book, when it comes out later this year (full disclosure - I get nothing from promoting any of the podcasts I review. I just dig that these guys and girls are so cool about it). If you like a good action story, or anything with a twist, this is also brilliant.

The audio quality is faultless. Melzer pulls off his voices without any problem, and has chosen not to clutter up the soundscape with effects. I think that if a podcaster/audio producer has the means and the ear to do good music and effects, and it doesn't cut drastically into their available timeframes, and that if adding M&E really fleshes out the world, then they ought to do so. But if a writer embarking on the huge task of recording a podcast feels they don't have the means or the skills to do this well, I thank them for not ruining an otherwise good production with a subpar effects track. It's nice to just appreciate the writing and the performance for what they are.

(To those podcasters who do put in the effort and do it well, keep up the good work. I love it all!)

I highly enjoyed this podcast. What it may have lacked in substance, it made up for in plot twists, gunfights, and exploding heads. Having said that, I felt close enough to all the characters to really want to root for them, although I was never really sure if I could trust anyone at all. Fantastic stuff.

TZC gets a solid 4 1/2 Stars out of 5 from me.

Coming Up:
Reviewing the Classics. I've recently finished Scott Sigler's Nocturnal and Seventh Son: Descent by JC Hutchins. Both will get a review here, as I educate myself on some of the seminal works of this emerging artform.

Past Reviews:
Hoad's Grim by Jack Kincaid - 5 Stars
Eden by Phil Rossi - 5 Stars
Jack Wakes Up by Seth Harwood - 3 1/2 Stars
Crescent by Phil Rossi - 4 Stars
DarkAge by Kirk Warrington - 2 Stars

Report from the Front Line: The Food Show, Wellington

Since today was Mother's Day, I took Dessert Chef to the fabulous Food Show at the Stadium in Wellington.
OK, it was her idea, and I ate and drank a whole heap more than her, so really, she took me. In fact, since I tasted countless wines and she drove home, it really was her taking me out than the other way around.

Not to worry. Here's the up-to-the-minute review of New Zealand's biggest gastronomic event, as experienced by Yours Truly this very day. Yes, for once, my blog post won't be months out of date. It's good to be on the cutting edge.

Speaking of cutting edges, the highlight of the show for me was not actually any particular food or wine; it was the knives. Not just any knives, but ceramic knives. I have some great knives (a wedding present from my Mum, and still going strong), but these blades just blew me away.

I had just listened to an audiobook in which one of the characters has ceramic knives, which are worlds beyond any steel blade. So sharp that they don't blunt, lighter than steel - and of course never picked up by metal detectors, which is very helpful - I hardly believed it. Then I got to hold one, and cut with one.

*gapes*

They're great. I could slice a tomato literally paper-thin. At $110 on special for a small one, however, they're beyond this humble food critic's reach. but if anyone out there has that sort of money to spend on knives, I'd seriously recommend checking them out.

The other highlight was the Freedom Farms Bacon, purely on the basis of ethics and taste. I've talked often enough about getting more humanely farmed meat products into the mainstream, and as well as tasting delicious, this seems to be a step in that direction.

I learned a lot about different rice bran oils, and olive oils, and avocado oils, and tried probably three dozen or more (*gurgle gurgle* - quiet, tummy!) and disliked as many as I liked. I was surprised to learn that rice bran oil, which we think of as a terribly healthy option, is in fact a hydrolised product that is run through a chemical process before it gets to us. That's a shame, but we'll still use it - for now. I also discovered that avocado oil, which I've never eaten because of its hefty pricetag, tends to taste like overripe avocado. Yuk. I love avocado, but not once it's turned. There were some good ones, but they were really expensive. So hard to strike a balance.

I also tried numerous wines from several different regions and vineyards, and was surprisingly not blown away by any of them. That was also a shame. I wanted to buy wine, it's something I like to do because it means I get to drink wine. Oh well. Thinking about it now, though, I did drink wine, so that's probably OK. I didn't discover my next favourite Pinot Gris, though. Darn.

I've talked before about celebrity chefs, and while I err on the side of appreciating their passion for food even while I dislike the reality TV they have succumbed to, I have to admit a proclivity for snapping up their cookbooks if they cross my path at the right price. Dymocks Booksellers had a stand at the Food Show, and I grabbed a copy of Gordon Ramsay's Cooking for Friends for the bargain price of $20 (NZD). This book is not a "look at this great food that you'll never be able to cook" sort of a book. This is GR's family recipes, the stuff his kids make. And to celebrate this find, I dove straight in and cooked a recipe out of it tonight.

I know, it's unheard of. I'll be posting a meal that I've cooked on the same day as we ate it. I don't think that's happened since Day 1. But there you have it.

So, summing up the Food Show: Good. Yeah, lots of nice free stuff to eat and drink, as you'd hope (barring the $20 entry fee, of course, but I'm pretty sure we both ate and drank more than $20 worth of food). There was plenty of variety, and I even learned a few new things. It seems that nothing has made me sick, although my tum was telling me that I might have had just one too many lugs of olive oil by the time we left. Next year, I'll forgo breakfast to make even more of the delicacies on offer. Gordon Ramsay's Pasta with Baked Pumpkin and Rosemary
(With minor adjustments, just because I can)

Serves 3Pumpkin courtesy of our garden, no less.

Ingredients:
1 500g Pumpkin, deseeded and sliced into thin wedges
3 Rosemary Sprigs, chopped into 2cm lengths
4 Garlic cloves, peeled and halved
Lots of Olive Oil
50g Grated Parmesan
Drizzle a roasting tray with olive oil and sprinkle with freshly ground pepper and salt. Scatter the rosemary and garlic around, and drizzle with more olive oil and seasoning. Place into a preheated oven at 210C. Turn after 12 mins, then again after another 12 mins, until soft on the inside and lightly caramelised on the outside.
Set aside to cool. Discard the garlic and rosemary but reserve the oil. When cool enough to handle, remove the skin.
Place the pumpkin flesh and oil in a pot. Add a little more olive oil (I think I used a lot less to cook this than GR intended, as I had very little to reserve) and some water or vege stock to loosen it up. Blend with a hand blender or run through a food processor.
The pureed pumpkin should be more of a sauce than a soup, thick enough to coat the pasta but not runny. I think that I'd make mine a bit wetter next time. I wonder if UK pumpkins have more moisture content that the ones I grow out the back.

Keep the sauce warm while you cook a pot of pasta, steam some veges, and cook up your sausages or whatever, if this isn't your main course.
Drain the pasta and mix in the pumpkin sauce and the parmesan. Dish up hot, with freshly ground pepper, a grating of fresh parmesan, and perhaps a drizzle of extra virgin olive oil.

Podcast Novel Review: "Jack Wakes Up" by Seth Harwood

To celebrate Seth Harwood's novel Jack Wakes Up being released into bookstores across the USA this week, I took it upon myself to listen to the entire podcast over the past two days and throw out my thoughts on it.
Jack Wakes Up is a bit of a step away from my usual cup of tea, being a crime novel and not in the slightest bit fantasy, horror, or science fiction. But it stood out to me, as crime fiction goes, in that the protagonist was not a cop or an ex-marine, but rather a washed-up actor.

Jack Palms has been on the wagon after his drug- and alcohol-fueled fall from grace some years earlier, which saw his marriage fall apart under the watching eyes of the public and the media. He's now cleaned himself up but is completely broke. A dodgy character from his past life entices him into doing one last big drug deal to set himself up for a while and make a new start.

As Jack gets drawn deeper into San Francisco's shady underworld, however, things quickly go from bad to worse.

Jack Wakes Up would fall somewhere between Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and 2 Fast 2 Furious, were it to have been a film. There are drug deals, murders, gun fights, car chases, betrayals, and strip bars - everything you expect from a high-octane, fast-paced action story.

This was fun to listen to. In the world of action storytelling, JWU was an invigorating tale, a cracking good yarn with plenty of good laughs thrown in. If my impression is that this was perhaps a bit lighter than Harwood intended, it's only because last night I also finished listening to Scott Sigler's Nocturnal, which completely blew me away (and will be reviewed very shortly, I promise). By comparison, JWU was good relief.

The audio production was clean and uncluttered. Harwood obviously made a choice not to use any sound effects (or if he did, they were so well done that I didn't even notice them), and relied on his own delivery to carry the pace of the story. There is no music or atmos in the soundtrack apart from chapter breaks, but I don't think the production suffered for this at all. The writing itself is tidy and precise, and Harwood's diction is mostly faultless (apart from the occasional stumble which hasn't been edited out), so following the story is never an issue.

I played this podcast through my computer speakers in a busy workshop, and was very rarely either a) unclear as to what was going on, or b) suddenly aware that I had lost the thread. I was kept engaged throughout the reading, even with distractions, and always felt like I knew what was going on and where the characters were. This is a testament to Harwood's writing and delivery, since this podcast is really just the author reading his own story, with all the passion he can muster.

Nice one.

Overall I rate Jack Wakes Up at 3 1/2 Stars.

Recommended to anyone who likes a good gangster or crime story, or a bit of action. Jack Wakes Up is complete at 19 Chapters, plus a Q&A with Seventh Son author JC Hutchins, which is both entertaining and informative.

You can listen to the first chapter here. The rest of the podcast can be found at Harwood's website, totally free. The book is also available in US bookstores and online.

While we're talking about Seth Harwood, he has posted a really helpful video about how to go about recording a podcast, which I also recommend for the three minutes it'll take you, if that sounds like something you might be thinking about.

Jack Wakes Up is available from Amazon.com, and can be found in bookstores across the USA.

Podcast Review: "Eden" by Phil Rossi

A few weeks ago I wrote what I have decided, in hindsight, was an unnecessarily harsh review of the Sci-Fi/Horror epic podcast novel Crescent, by Phil Rossi. As I've said before, there is a huge difference between highly engineered audiobooks and works of individual labour, and having now thoroughly doused myself in hours of both, I can say with confidence that Crescent is a standout of the latter species.

On that note, anyone who has gone on to listen to Crescent, or anyone who may not be into audiobooks but loves to read a good bit of sci-fi, the book version of Crescent is going to be available on Amazon soon. Phil would like his fans who plan on buying a copy of the book to hold back until July 9th, and then to descend on Amazon like a swarm of angry hornets, pushing the book up the charts. I'll remind you all again closer to the time.

What I like about Rossi is how he has clung tight to everything about the internet that says "you can do it, if you stick with it." He's put everything out there for free, he's made himself accessible to his ever-growing fanbase, and he deserves to reap the rewards. It also proves that the cream really can rise to the top, and that there is no better weapon at a writer's disposal (good writing aside) than the art of self-promotion.
So, moving on. Eden is complete at 8 episodes and available free either on Rossi's website, or through iTunes, or at Podiobooks.com. It's free in all of these places, and Podiobooks.com provides a donation service, from which the majority of the money goes direct to the author.

I'm not sure what I was expecting when I started listening to Eden, but I figured out pretty much straight away that this was not going to be a rehash of Crescent, despite my initial impressions. Eden is also set on a space station, but there the similarities with Crescent begin and end. I was expecting another action story, but Eden with its dark mystery delivered a much richer experience, which had me hanging out for each new episode.

Where Crescent is visually evocative and a tour-de-force of action and horror, Eden advances at a more cerebral pace. From the outset, Rossi's writing has improved by several degrees, so much so that I felt like I was listening to a different writer. As the writing has matured, so too has the story. Focused intently on the first-person narrator, Malcolm, who is dispatched to a tiny space station near the planet Uranus, Eden is as much about the enormous, mysterious tree that has been found growing in the void of space as it is about Malcolm, his failings, his self-doubt, and his weaknesses.

Woven into this is Rossi's blend of science fiction and Lovecraftian horror, as the station spirals further from safety and sanity and into the consuming madness of Eden. The first-person perspective also keeps you relentlessly close to the action, which makes listening to this story a painfully emotional journey, in a way that all but the best sci-fi and fantasy fails to do.

Eden doesn't drag you through the chapters with blood pumping in your ears and air rasping in your throat like Crescent. Rather, you find yourself being led, trying to turn away, your stomach a hollow pit, afraid of where the next turn is going to lead you, and cursing Malcolm for his crippling self-pity.

I score Eden 4 1/2 stars out of 5, and I seriously rate the quality of Rossi's writing on this novella. It is a good length; any longer and it would have needed a faster pace, any shorter and it would have felt rushed. Overall, and given that it is not a studio production but an individual effort, Eden is a stunner. Give it a listen.

AudioBook Review - "DarkAge" by Kirk Warrington

After finishing Phil Rossi's Crescent and waiting in eager anticipation for the final chapters of Jack Kincaid's Hoad's Grim, my hunger for more good storytelling was ravenous. I took Phil Rossi's advice and headed to Podiobooks to hunt down another great listen, and found a huge list of books that sounded like they might appeal to me.

I spent some time downloading first chapters and loading them into a playlist on my Ipod, then listened to them in the car on the way home. The ones that grabbed me made it as far as being downloaded in full, and one of those was DarkAge by Kirk Warrington.

I would love to rave about how good this was. I'd love to say that it was hilarious and satisfying and well worth the listen, just because I don't really like to sound critical. Unfortunately, for all its good points, DarkAge ultimately let me down as a listener, and I would be hesitant to recommend it.

First and foremost, let me say again that I have a tremendous amount of respect for the amount of work that goes into not only writing a book (I've done that myself - phew!) but also into doing an audio production of any scale, much less the recording of a whole book. I've made short films and worked in the film industry for years, so I know there's no such thing as a "small project". So to Kirk W and Phil R and Jack K (and Derek Gilbert, whose book Iron Dragons I'm currently listening to, and Christoph Laputka, who produces the astounding Leviathan Chronicles) who go to all this effort, and do it all for free, I tip my hat. Sometimes, however, the mark is missed.

DarkAge reeled me in from the first chords of the crunching heavy metal guitar riff that frames each episode. The basic premise is that a group of people - in this case fantasy role-players - are magically swept away into another world where they find they have come to inhabit their characters from the game they were just playing. Suddenly, the risks they were so happy for their paper-based characters to face are more than just a game; they're deadly reality. As the story progresses, the characters realise that in order to survive in this harsh world, they must become their DarkAge characters. If they don't, they won't have those characters' skills that allow them to prosper as they would in the game. The option is penury and shame at best, and death at the worst.

In terms of theme, DarkAge seems to be about the struggle for integrity of one's own self when faced with the challenges of emerging into a world that is more brutal and real than you were ever prepared for. As a teen coming-of-age metaphor, DarkAge bundles up the fears and hopes that we all had and throws them at us in a bloody, bruising haze; responsibilities can be as much a burden as a blessing, and making the wrong choices has real consequences. Sometimes making those choices, even standing up for what you believe in, can be fatal.

The narrative was linear and uncomplicated, which sadly also left the character development sorely lacking. While we knew all the characters and understood their individual motives and desires reasonably well, the need to abandon their old selves to survive tended to force them all in a single direction, even those who resisted that change.

Where this really fell down for me, however, was that the hook in a story of this nature is that you want to know: How do they get home? Without wanting to spoil the book, suffice to say that this question is never answered in a manner that satisfied me, given the hours I spent listening to DarkAge. In fact, there were far too many questions of that nature, questions that are really the guts of a story of this kind, that were never answered. Instead, the story focused on the conflicts between the characters themselves and the people they meet in the world of Merinia, and we never get to really learn about what makes this world tick. Conflict and story are all good of course, but it came at the cost of world-building and character arcs.

While this left the story open to a lot of action and adventure, of which there is plenty, and a good dose of humour, much of it fairly ribald, DarkAge ultimately feels shallow and under-developed, like watching someone else play a hack-and-slash computer game.

Warrington uses the idea that this is not a parallel world but a game world to lampoon many of the ridiculous rules that abound in roleplaying, and in that he well and truly hits the mark. (I think I'm bleeding to death! / You Idiot! Just drink a healing potion!) [Not an actual quote, but you get the idea.]

The other three key elements of the podcast - namely performance, writing, and production - also need work.

Performance-wise, while Warrington's theatrical skills leave much to be desired, he was by no means the worst I've heard. His reading of the script was deliberate and came across as forced, but he was nothing if not clear. He also handled the large cast of characters well, creating unique and distinctive, if not necessarily brilliant, voices for all of them. Some were harder to pick than others, but Warrington's insistence on writing dense lines of verbiage to follow almost every mouthful of speech ensured that we always know who's talking.

Yet it was this verbosity which also made me grit my teeth while listening. I would think to myself, I don't need you to tell me that he said that with annoyance, I can tell from the dialogue and the tone. This over-writing slowed the story down and seldom added any illumination. I think it may have improved towards the end, however. With the help of a brutal editor this book could be tightened up tremendously and be a snappier, more captivating piece of sword-and-sorcery than it currently is.

The sound effects were the real low point. Like I said, good on you Kirk for even getting this far. I've been spoiled by podcasts like Leviathan, Hoad's Grim and Eden, which all have stunning audio production. But the cries of the demons in the last chapters just made me laugh, or at least groan. Any tension that had been built in any scene that those demons squealed in just went down the drain as soon as that noise came through the speakers. Surely there must be better Creative Commons 'Demon Screams' out there for people to use. Kincaid, any suggestions?

Overall, I'll say that I'm glad I stuck with it to the end, but it was getting to be a struggle, and I really wanted to see them get home. Given the ending, however, I guess there is a sequel in the wind. This had the potential to be a good read, but ultimately it failed to convince me. Unless you really love the "whisked away into a parallel/divergent universe" concept, I wouldn't recommend DarkAge. The high point is Warrington's ability to satirise the genre and the RPG world, and worth a listen if you like that sort of thing. I know I laughed more than I usually do reading fantasy or sci-fi, and for that I'm grateful. And while I'd like to know what happens to Kev and Vaughn and Sake and Jer, and James and Hades, I don't think I'll be rushing out to listen to the sequel.

2 1/2 Stars.

AudioBook Review - "Hoad's Grim"

It's taken me a while to get back into the swing of things since we got back from holiday, so apologies to my faithful readers for the delay. Apart from the general malaise that settles after a sunny holiday when one must return to the grind, we had to get the boy to the doctor and in for x-rays after he jumped off the trampoline and landed on his knees, the cat had to go to the vet when she started peeing blood all over the house, and my car was out of its warrant of fitness and needed new tyres. Accordingly, it has been a long and expensive week that we didn't really need.

But here we are, back again. I'd like to get straight into my review of Hoad's Grim, but first I need to say a few words about the Audiobook market and my previous review of Phil Rossi's Crescent. Mainly, it needs to be said that there are two (at least) very different creatures out there; the audio drama, and the author-read audiobook. Both are performance art, but they exist in different parts of the creative sphere, and I was in error to compare Hoad's Grim to Crescent in the first place.

Crescent was read and produced by the author, and since finishing Crescent I have listened to many more author-read podcasts, most of which I couldn't make it right through the first chapter of, either because of the quality of the performance or the audio itself, or because the story didn't grab me like I thought it would. Of all those I've listened to, Crescent still rates at the top (followed closely now by Eden, Phil Rossi's new podcast novella.).

Hoad's Grim, on the other hand, is a highly polished, magnificently produced audio performance, incorporating fantastic layerings of dialogue, sound effects and music. There are also multiple professional voice talents involved in this production, including the author Jack Kincaid and vocal maestro James "Killer" Keller, as well as the not inconsiderable audio production skills that Kincaid brings to bear on the work. Like The Leviathan Chronicles, Hoad's Grim is a lavish professional production, and needs to be considered as such.


Before you ask, Hoad's Grim is a horror story, so if the genre doesn't appeal, then I imagine that the audiobook won't. Non-aficionados of the horror genre are excused, and for those who are fans and wish to continue reading, I promise there will be no spoilers.

Except to say that this is about a haunted fridge. Oh yeah. Now that is a scary premise, all unto itself. It may sound odd and a bit lame, but I guarantee you it's not. I will never look at an old fridge rusting in an empty lot the same way again.

Before I started listening to this, I was an Audiobook virgin, and Hoad's Grim most definitely popped my cherry, and left me wanting more. As soon as I started listening to the prologue, I was transported to another time and place, and even into another mind. It was nothing like what I had expected, and I immediately wanted to hear more. The story hooks the listener in right from the start, as the multiple layers of speech, music, atmos and effects draw you down deeper into the dark and frankly terrifying world that Kincaid builds.

There is never any confusion about who is speaking at any time, or where the characters might be - unless Kincaid doesn't want you to know. And that just makes it all the more scary. Like a good horror movie, the frights in HG come as much from what you can't see or hear but from what you might sense on the edges of perception; the creeping sense of dread that clings to every darkened doorway and silent television conjured through words and sounds alone.

What really made HG work was its completely immersive experience. I listen to my audiobooks in the car driving to and from work, and when I had HG on, I could drive untold kilometres and only remember being on the windy, weed-choked curb of Saybrook Way, watching Chad "The Hammerman" Hyman struggle with the demons in his mind, and lurking in the shadows of that haunted street. It was like reading a book but better, because the voices were there, and the wind curled around their words, and the chittering of the dark creations that grew out of the shadows actually chittered across the speakers, scraping and clawing as if they sought their own way into the world.

I sat up in bed one night, with most of the lights off, listening, because I was really hooked on the story. I only did that once. I like my sleep.

Based on the folklore of the tommyknockers, HG plays on everyone's fear of unseen things that go bump in the night, and on the fear of being left alone in the dark with those things. The listener is left chilled by what the mind is not just encouraged to imagine, as in a book, but by those conjured horrors which you are forced to see in the darkness behind your own eyes as the audio landscape drags you into Kincaid's twisted nightmare.

If you like a good scare, then this comes highly recommended. Hoad's Grim is complete at 24 chapters and available free from Kincaid's site. I have been unable to fault HG, and I will probably listen to it again. I was going to say that I thought the last chapter had left a few too many loose ends, but then I realised that there was one more that I hadn't downloaded, so that puts a lid on that.

Absolutely brilliant. Whether you're a fan of horror and want to hear just how good an audiodrama can be, or if you love good audiobooks and are willing to dare the terrors that lurk in the Grim, do yourself a favour and listen to this.

Five Stars.

For more interesting info, you can check out this interview with Jack Kincaid and James Keller, by John Joseph Adams of Tor.com (Part 1; Part 2). This was the article that got me interested enough to listen to a story about a haunted fridge. Yip, a haunted fridge. Brilliant stuff.

Podcast Review: Phil Rossi's "Crescent"

Phil Rossi's Crescent is the second full-length podcast I've listened to, after the brilliant Hoad's Grim, which I'm still listening to as the episodes come down.

The quick review: Crescent was an enjoyable "read", keeping in mind that it is intended for a mature audience. It told a pacy and chilling tale of terror in deep space, carefully balancing horror with action. The characters were generally well-rounded and portrayed with a deft hand, and there are moments where the writing really shines. If you have the time to listen to the thirty-odd half-hour segments, and you can handle a bit of audio scare, then do yourself a favour and start downloading Crescent. It's free, BTW.

I've been playing them through my car radio on the way to work and home again. It's a great way to kill the commute.

In recent news regarding Crescent, it has apparently been picked up as both a book and a movie, which is fantastic news for the author, and further proof of how it can be really worthwhile to use the internet to build an audience by putting a product out there for free. I remember thinking to myself as I was listening how it might adapt well as a screenplay, so I wasn't actually surprised to hear this development.

Now, the longer review. Yes, I liked Crescent and I listened all the way to the end. I won't toss in any spoilers here, but I will just make mention of a few things I wasn't impressed by.

Admittedly, being hooked on Hoad's Grim - which is absolutely stunning as far as the story, writing, voice talent and audio production go - puts Crescent on a back foot from the word go. The Crescent podcast series utilises music from just one song throughout it's entire length, and this gets a bit repetitive. But it's a good song, so that's not a complaint. It's just that a bit of variety might have been better.

My main niggle with Crescent was that the author, Phil Rossi, made a decision to voice all the characters himself. OK, stop me please if this is common practice for podcasting and audiobooks, but I found it a bit frustrating. Particularly the women's voices all tended to sound the same. Like I've said, the vocal talent on Hoad's Grim leaves you in no doubt whatsoever who is talking at any point in time. I think that it might have been to the author's advantage to have drafted in some other voices for this job, just for the sake of clarity. However, this didn't make the story un-followable, it just made it obscure in places.

It was nice to hear, in the Notes from the Vault, which are a series of short fiction pieces written by the same author, that he did indeed bring in some other voice talent from time to time during their production. The Notes deserve a review too, but it won't be tonight.

As a writer, I felt that in places Rossi might have profited from having a keen editorial hand run over his work. There were occasional pieces of clunky dialogue and prose, and sections of writing which I can imagine working well on the page but which didn't translate to the soundwave very well. Still, this was a free work, a work of passion, and Rossi's writing seems to get better the more I listen to it, so that's a good sign.

I'm now listening to Eden (mp3 promo link), and I have yet to make a judgment. So far, it seems to be about a ... hmmm ... haunted space station ... with ... wait for it ...

No, no spoilers. Suffice to say that I'll be downloading the new chapter very shortly.

My last word on Crescent, after all that good stuff, is sadly one of just the mildest disappointment, not in the work itself, but in an epilogue that was released some time after the final chapter. Crescent ended with a hint of irresolution - of the temerity of the immortal, and the infinite hunger of the unknown, leaving the reader only with the comfort of knowing that our lead characters, whom we have grown to care for, will at least be free and clear of the horrors they have faced, even if those horrors do live on somehow. Then the epilogue unwound this comfort, which replaced that feeling of catharsis with one of frustration, as if we were suddenly back in the middle of a story that had yet to be told.

As underhanded openings to sequels go, this one really kicked sand in the listener's ears. I would rather not have listened to the epilogue. So if you decide to give Crescent the time it's worth, my one piece of advice is this: Don't download the Epilogue. It's a spoiler all of its own.

Apart from all that: 3 1/2 Stars from me.

So, What's Really In Our Food, Petra?

Tonight we watched the last episode of TV3's What's Really In Our Food?, hosted by Petra Bagust. I'll admit I probably only saw about half of this series, because it was one of those rare instances where we were obliged to watch a show at its actual scheduled time, which is something we are totally not in the habit of doing. But each episode was much the same, so if you saw the ads during the week you'd have a pretty good idea of what it was going to be about. The show covered such things as organics vs big agribusiness, imported vs local, free range vs battery, etc. It tackled chicken, fish, fast food, coffee, packaging, and imported food, among other things. It had the potential to be a hard-edged exploration of the dark side of our mass food market, but instead it proved to, ahem, lack teeth.
The producers of WRIOF seem to have taken the line that its better not to offend anyone, even at the expense of its viewers' health and wellbeing. It touts itself as an informative piece of journalism, but comes across as a vaguely directionless magazine item, which will suggest the hidden dangers of our food industry but refuses to really expose them. For all her disarming charm, Petra just isn't the hardnosed investigator that this show needed at the helm. Maybe next series the producers will see sense, and hire Jeremy Wells instead. Then we'll get to the bottom of it.

But with due consideration, I can fathom why the producers chose the sharp-as-cotton-wool approach that they did. For a start, no-one wants a lawsuit flying at them that would see their hard work pulled from prime-time TV and all that money going down the gurgler. And when the lawsuits will be coming from the big nasty corporate world who have the most to hide and the most money to spend on lawyers, not many private producers will put their plums on the line for the sake of a half-hour TV slot.

The show in the end took care not to oversensationalise any particular issue, handing the viewer a balanced argument which always erred on the side of safety, with Petra's final disclaimer that she will be reading the fine print and washing all her veges just to be sure.

But here's what I liked about it. OK, there was nothing new to be found in this show, but it did surprise me how little a lot of people out there actually know about what they put in their bodies. (Garlic was a target in tonight's episode, saying much what I said here. The key thing to note about garlic is that if the roots have been cut off, it's almost definitely imported.) While they refused to openly confront the weak-willed blather spurted by the FSA, they did something even more subtle. They abandoned the hammer and nails grunt of investigative journalism and replaced it with the power of suggestion.

In every episode, just after the dangers of whatever they're covering have been carefully downplayed, we see Petra at her laptop smiling and suggesting to the viewer that if they were to go online and search for XYZ, they would find a lot of information about XYZ. Twaddle, you say, how can a self-respecting television show call itself a source of right and proper information if it hands the research off to its viewers? Well, in the grand tradition of good journalism, the producers have decided that as consumers, it is up to the public to consider the evidence and make up thier own minds. Give people a framework to start from, and let the public inform itself. Certainly, such an approach actually has some validity in this age of wide-spread internet access. And if even a few people ask a few questions and start delving deeper into the myths and realities that Petra and her pals have raised in this short series, then I'd say that they've done what they set out to do.

My rating: 6.5/10