Bean Wrappin'

This week is slipping me by, and it's like I've forgotten that I've got a blog to write. D'oh! I'll make my excuses later. Right now, I want to remind you that we do make an effort to cook vegetarian meals, just like I promised I would some time ago.

The fact is, the vego meals I've been cooking don't tend to be very interesting. This, I'm sure, is my fault, not the fault of the food. I was raised eating meat.

I'm not trying to break that habit. We're just trying to do different things.

Eating less meat is better for the environment and our health no matter how you look at it, so the vegetarian options really do matter. They haven't seen their fair share of airtime on this blog however, so today I will remedy that.

Beans are a brilliant substitute for meat. Packed with protein, fibre, and all sorts of vitamins and minerals, they're a one-stop shop for kicking off a vegetarian meal.
Just swap out a serving of Beef Mince (Ground Beef) for mild chilli beans, heated and spread over a third of a tortilla wrap. Season liberally with salsa and chopped salad - tomatoes, cucumber, lettuce, cheese, capsicum, grated carrot, whatever - and dress the wrap with sour cream and your sauce of choice.
Just like that, Bean Wraps. Quick, easy, healthy, all those buzz words that make you feel righteous in your eating choices.

Not recommended if you work in confined spaces with other people, mind you.

Podcast Review: "Eden" by Phil Rossi

A few weeks ago I wrote what I have decided, in hindsight, was an unnecessarily harsh review of the Sci-Fi/Horror epic podcast novel Crescent, by Phil Rossi. As I've said before, there is a huge difference between highly engineered audiobooks and works of individual labour, and having now thoroughly doused myself in hours of both, I can say with confidence that Crescent is a standout of the latter species.

On that note, anyone who has gone on to listen to Crescent, or anyone who may not be into audiobooks but loves to read a good bit of sci-fi, the book version of Crescent is going to be available on Amazon soon. Phil would like his fans who plan on buying a copy of the book to hold back until July 9th, and then to descend on Amazon like a swarm of angry hornets, pushing the book up the charts. I'll remind you all again closer to the time.

What I like about Rossi is how he has clung tight to everything about the internet that says "you can do it, if you stick with it." He's put everything out there for free, he's made himself accessible to his ever-growing fanbase, and he deserves to reap the rewards. It also proves that the cream really can rise to the top, and that there is no better weapon at a writer's disposal (good writing aside) than the art of self-promotion.
So, moving on. Eden is complete at 8 episodes and available free either on Rossi's website, or through iTunes, or at Podiobooks.com. It's free in all of these places, and Podiobooks.com provides a donation service, from which the majority of the money goes direct to the author.

I'm not sure what I was expecting when I started listening to Eden, but I figured out pretty much straight away that this was not going to be a rehash of Crescent, despite my initial impressions. Eden is also set on a space station, but there the similarities with Crescent begin and end. I was expecting another action story, but Eden with its dark mystery delivered a much richer experience, which had me hanging out for each new episode.

Where Crescent is visually evocative and a tour-de-force of action and horror, Eden advances at a more cerebral pace. From the outset, Rossi's writing has improved by several degrees, so much so that I felt like I was listening to a different writer. As the writing has matured, so too has the story. Focused intently on the first-person narrator, Malcolm, who is dispatched to a tiny space station near the planet Uranus, Eden is as much about the enormous, mysterious tree that has been found growing in the void of space as it is about Malcolm, his failings, his self-doubt, and his weaknesses.

Woven into this is Rossi's blend of science fiction and Lovecraftian horror, as the station spirals further from safety and sanity and into the consuming madness of Eden. The first-person perspective also keeps you relentlessly close to the action, which makes listening to this story a painfully emotional journey, in a way that all but the best sci-fi and fantasy fails to do.

Eden doesn't drag you through the chapters with blood pumping in your ears and air rasping in your throat like Crescent. Rather, you find yourself being led, trying to turn away, your stomach a hollow pit, afraid of where the next turn is going to lead you, and cursing Malcolm for his crippling self-pity.

I score Eden 4 1/2 stars out of 5, and I seriously rate the quality of Rossi's writing on this novella. It is a good length; any longer and it would have needed a faster pace, any shorter and it would have felt rushed. Overall, and given that it is not a studio production but an individual effort, Eden is a stunner. Give it a listen.

Gluten-Free Roast Chook with Apple Gravy

It's been a little while since I actually posted a recipe here. I have a dozen food posts drafted, but more interesting stuff seems to keep coming up that I feel the need to blog about.

But since I'm also dealing with a serious case of writer's block right now, I figure it's time to get back to what I do best: making your tummy rumble.

It was Nan's birthday, and I hadn't shoved my fingers inside a dead chicken for some time, so I decided to do a special birthday roast chook. This recipe is based on a Jamie Oliver classic, but it incorporates my trademark apple gravy, and is Gluten-Free. (JO's is also GF, but he doesn't have the added bonus of apple gravy).

Gluten-Free Roast Chicken with Apple Gravy

(Serves 6)

Ingredients:
1 Large Whole Chicken, (size 20) fresh or thawed
50g Butter, softened
3 Cloves of Garlic, finely chopped
3 Stalks of Rosemary, leaves roughly chopped
Zest of 1/2 a Lemon (Keep the lemon to stuff the cavity)
Freshly Ground Salt and Pepper

For the Gravy:
1 Apple, cut into eighths
1 Onion, sliced
Pulverise together all ingredients except the chicken, apple and onion. Preheat the oven to 220C.
Take a small sharp knife and slit the skin away from the breast above the neck. Carefully prise the skin away, being careful not to let it split. Stuff the butter into the space between, pressing it as far as you can over the breast and into the thighs and legs. Spread any leftover butter over the skin.
Season the skin. Slice the lemon in half and squeeze into the cavity (the lemon that is, not you).
Place the segments of apple in the centre of a roasting dish and layer the onion rings over the top of this. Place the chicken on top, breasts up.
Roast at 220C until cooked, about 2 1/2 hours. Turn and baste after 40 mins and again after 80 mins.
And now for a picture of a posh-looking beer, cos we haven't done that for a while. Not necessarily recommended as an accompaniment to this dish, but certainly recommended. (Thanks Uncle I!)
When the chicken is done, remove it to a cutting board to stand for about 10 minutes. What you have left should look like this. To make the gravy, simply blitz everything in the roasting dish, either using a hand-held blender, or by straining it into a blender, or even by mashing it all through a sieve. It will self thicken without you needing to add anything or heat it again.
Serve with roast veges, fresh garden veges, and a nice crisp Pinot Gris. Then get out of the kitchen before they make you do the dishes.

What I've Been Listening To

I'll be getting back to the food very shortly, I promise.

I'm being a bit of a net audio junkie right now, and I want to share around a bit of the love. Everything I've been listening to is free, just like the podcasts I've reviewed over the past months, so if any of it sounds like it might appeal, dive right in.

Top of the list right now is John Lithgow reading a big swag of previously unreleased Mark Twain. Witty, satirical, and thought-provoking, these unpublished letters and essays by one of literature's finest is brilliant stuff. Lithgow's reading is also a joy to listen to. I find myself alternately laughing and lost in thought as the talents of these two fine men blend together. Well worth the time.

I've just finished Derek Gilbert's Iron Dragons, a fantasy sci-fi book that kept me entertained from start to finish. From the immortal first line "Dragon pee really stinks", Iron Dragons promises to be full of dry wit and action, and it delivers well. Gilbert reads his own writing at an easy pace with little embellishment, so it feels like someone is really just reading you a good story. He drops his voice for some characters and plays with accents here and there, but only enough to get across the point of the different people in his world. Short and satisfying.

Also in the humour stakes (see, it's not all just horror and violence that I listen to!) is the laugh-out-loud audio-show "Lost Bearings", by Mr Jeb. This one is stream-only, but it is uproarious. Teddy Bears have come to life, and while most of them just want to fit in and drink beer and eat sandwiches, there are always a few who want to cause trouble and, you know, rule the world. Only four 15-min episodes at this stage, but if we flood Mr Jeb with hits, he might be more encouraged to record a few more. Top notch British humour.

And finally, I've moved on in the audiobook department to Nocturnal, by the original master of the podcast novel, Scott Sigler. Nocturnal is a horror story set in San Francisco. Since starting it two days ago, I can't stop listening. So far, so good. Cracking good humour, a scary-as-hell storyline, very competent performance, and impressive production values for a book that was a pioneer in its time. No star rating yet, but if you like horror, my impression thus far is that listening to this will be a stonking good time. My poor ipod is getting a hammering right now. I reckon it's shaking in its boots, now that I've left it alone in the dark.

I've also found myself reading again, more than I have in ages. Currently on a Dean Koontz novel, oddly, which as it turns out is a laugh-a-minute too, which I was not quite prepared for. While remaining dark and scary as one would expect from horror master Koontz, Life Expectancy is written with the author's tongue quite firmly in his cheek. (Sorry, that one's not free, unless you'd like to get it off me when I'm done.)

That's about all. Back into the foody goodness very shortly. Happy listening!

AudioBook Review - "DarkAge" by Kirk Warrington

After finishing Phil Rossi's Crescent and waiting in eager anticipation for the final chapters of Jack Kincaid's Hoad's Grim, my hunger for more good storytelling was ravenous. I took Phil Rossi's advice and headed to Podiobooks to hunt down another great listen, and found a huge list of books that sounded like they might appeal to me.

I spent some time downloading first chapters and loading them into a playlist on my Ipod, then listened to them in the car on the way home. The ones that grabbed me made it as far as being downloaded in full, and one of those was DarkAge by Kirk Warrington.

I would love to rave about how good this was. I'd love to say that it was hilarious and satisfying and well worth the listen, just because I don't really like to sound critical. Unfortunately, for all its good points, DarkAge ultimately let me down as a listener, and I would be hesitant to recommend it.

First and foremost, let me say again that I have a tremendous amount of respect for the amount of work that goes into not only writing a book (I've done that myself - phew!) but also into doing an audio production of any scale, much less the recording of a whole book. I've made short films and worked in the film industry for years, so I know there's no such thing as a "small project". So to Kirk W and Phil R and Jack K (and Derek Gilbert, whose book Iron Dragons I'm currently listening to, and Christoph Laputka, who produces the astounding Leviathan Chronicles) who go to all this effort, and do it all for free, I tip my hat. Sometimes, however, the mark is missed.

DarkAge reeled me in from the first chords of the crunching heavy metal guitar riff that frames each episode. The basic premise is that a group of people - in this case fantasy role-players - are magically swept away into another world where they find they have come to inhabit their characters from the game they were just playing. Suddenly, the risks they were so happy for their paper-based characters to face are more than just a game; they're deadly reality. As the story progresses, the characters realise that in order to survive in this harsh world, they must become their DarkAge characters. If they don't, they won't have those characters' skills that allow them to prosper as they would in the game. The option is penury and shame at best, and death at the worst.

In terms of theme, DarkAge seems to be about the struggle for integrity of one's own self when faced with the challenges of emerging into a world that is more brutal and real than you were ever prepared for. As a teen coming-of-age metaphor, DarkAge bundles up the fears and hopes that we all had and throws them at us in a bloody, bruising haze; responsibilities can be as much a burden as a blessing, and making the wrong choices has real consequences. Sometimes making those choices, even standing up for what you believe in, can be fatal.

The narrative was linear and uncomplicated, which sadly also left the character development sorely lacking. While we knew all the characters and understood their individual motives and desires reasonably well, the need to abandon their old selves to survive tended to force them all in a single direction, even those who resisted that change.

Where this really fell down for me, however, was that the hook in a story of this nature is that you want to know: How do they get home? Without wanting to spoil the book, suffice to say that this question is never answered in a manner that satisfied me, given the hours I spent listening to DarkAge. In fact, there were far too many questions of that nature, questions that are really the guts of a story of this kind, that were never answered. Instead, the story focused on the conflicts between the characters themselves and the people they meet in the world of Merinia, and we never get to really learn about what makes this world tick. Conflict and story are all good of course, but it came at the cost of world-building and character arcs.

While this left the story open to a lot of action and adventure, of which there is plenty, and a good dose of humour, much of it fairly ribald, DarkAge ultimately feels shallow and under-developed, like watching someone else play a hack-and-slash computer game.

Warrington uses the idea that this is not a parallel world but a game world to lampoon many of the ridiculous rules that abound in roleplaying, and in that he well and truly hits the mark. (I think I'm bleeding to death! / You Idiot! Just drink a healing potion!) [Not an actual quote, but you get the idea.]

The other three key elements of the podcast - namely performance, writing, and production - also need work.

Performance-wise, while Warrington's theatrical skills leave much to be desired, he was by no means the worst I've heard. His reading of the script was deliberate and came across as forced, but he was nothing if not clear. He also handled the large cast of characters well, creating unique and distinctive, if not necessarily brilliant, voices for all of them. Some were harder to pick than others, but Warrington's insistence on writing dense lines of verbiage to follow almost every mouthful of speech ensured that we always know who's talking.

Yet it was this verbosity which also made me grit my teeth while listening. I would think to myself, I don't need you to tell me that he said that with annoyance, I can tell from the dialogue and the tone. This over-writing slowed the story down and seldom added any illumination. I think it may have improved towards the end, however. With the help of a brutal editor this book could be tightened up tremendously and be a snappier, more captivating piece of sword-and-sorcery than it currently is.

The sound effects were the real low point. Like I said, good on you Kirk for even getting this far. I've been spoiled by podcasts like Leviathan, Hoad's Grim and Eden, which all have stunning audio production. But the cries of the demons in the last chapters just made me laugh, or at least groan. Any tension that had been built in any scene that those demons squealed in just went down the drain as soon as that noise came through the speakers. Surely there must be better Creative Commons 'Demon Screams' out there for people to use. Kincaid, any suggestions?

Overall, I'll say that I'm glad I stuck with it to the end, but it was getting to be a struggle, and I really wanted to see them get home. Given the ending, however, I guess there is a sequel in the wind. This had the potential to be a good read, but ultimately it failed to convince me. Unless you really love the "whisked away into a parallel/divergent universe" concept, I wouldn't recommend DarkAge. The high point is Warrington's ability to satirise the genre and the RPG world, and worth a listen if you like that sort of thing. I know I laughed more than I usually do reading fantasy or sci-fi, and for that I'm grateful. And while I'd like to know what happens to Kev and Vaughn and Sake and Jer, and James and Hades, I don't think I'll be rushing out to listen to the sequel.

2 1/2 Stars.

Holiday Kai: Blackberry Crumble

You've gotta love wild blackberries. Of course, the Thames-Coromandel District Council regards them as a noxious weed, due to the thorny plant's invasive nature, but it seems a bit ridiculous to make them illegal.

"That plant produces vast amounts of edible berries that people can gather and eat for free. Ban them!"

Ah, but enough with the cynicism. Let's just bear in mind that if bureaucracy has its way, the simple pleasure of ripping your hands and legs to shreds as you tread gingerly through wiry patches of sprawling blackberries may be drawing to a close, so get out there and make the most of it.

Well, maybe next season.
I'm very lucky, in that there is a huge blackberry patch on my Dad's farm, which he is making an effort to look after and keep harvestable (read: careful pruning to leave paths through the creepers that won't leave you in need of a transfusion by the time you've filled your ice-cream container). When we were up there last month, we made the most of the end of the season, by stocking up on lovely, sweet berries to use in a crumble.
Ice-cream containers full of blackberries remind me of being a kid. Nomnomnom.
Anyway, my Nana made the crumble using her old recipe that never fails. Start with your blackberries, about a litre (for want of a better measure),
and one apple, stewed down to sauce.
Mix the apple, berries and 1/2 - 1 Cup of sugar, to taste.
Make sure your little campfire is hot, and burning down to lovely embers.
Add the crumble, which is a mixture of butter, self-raising flour and more sugar. (I wish I could be more accurate, but whatever I made my notes on about this at the time is nowhere to be found now)
Carefully place the pie dish in a Camp Oven, and make sure it's tight.
Spread out a nice bed of coals, put the Camp Oven in the centre of the embers, and pile them up around the base of the oven.
Shovel hot coals over the top of the Oven, covering the lid completely. Leave to cook for about 20 minutes.
Dust off the ashes and remove from the fire. Carefully remove the lid and extract the pie dish.
With the help of a torch, dish up the crumble and try to get photos. Indulge while it's hot, then stoke up the fire and enjoy the bush in the cool of the evening.

(It's OK Dan, you'll be on holiday again one day.)

Kaimoana Part 3: Te Kai

So I know you've been asking yourself: "How on earth is he going to cook those chips?" and you're expecting something absolutely profound and unpredictable.

The short answer is "Not Very Well."

That's not to say "Badly", but when your only task on the day (apart from barbequing all that fish, so painstakingly caught and crumbed) is to cook the chips, and the nearest deep fryer is an hour's drive away along with the nearest conventional oven, you might understand how I was wondering how on earth I was going to pull it off.

Bring on the Dutch Oven. (No, not that kind. That's just gross.)
With a generous quantity of oil in the bottom of a couple of these wonders of aluminium technology (not recommended for long-term applications, mind you) a kilogram of chips can be convinced to fit nicely, ready for cooking.
Light a good old campfire in the brick fireplace outside under the old Puriri tree, and let it burn down to hot embers. Place the Camp Ovens into the embers and shovel coals over the top.

The trick after that is getting the lids off without spilling ash into the Camp Oven, in order to stir the chips up, so that they don't burn on the bottom. Let's just say that I managed this with varying degrees of success, but decided not waste memory stick proving it.

And they all got eaten, so they must've been OK.

Or at least edible.

Or everyone was just being very polite.
And here it is, Te Kai. Crumbed fish, fresh from the bay behind the camera. The dark shape resting on top of the fish is paua, taken fresh from the rocks the same day (abalone, to my northern readers), bashed tender, floured and fried in oil. Behind them, the cockles (clams) gathered off the tidal flats down the coast a short distance that afternoon, and on the right, the famous Flame-Fried Chips.

That was such a good feed it's almost sad to have put so much time into writing about it, knowing that I'm hundreds of kilometres and several months from the possibility of having a meal like that again.

Yum Yum *sigh*

Coming up, the last installment in the Holiday Kai Series (It's good how I come up with these names at the end of the series, isn't it?): Blackberry Crumble made with foraged blackberries and cooked bush style.

Cripes, I'm hungry now.